


lonely nights.-

by almsivi



Category: EXO
Genre: M/M, angsty as heck, chanyeol baek and jongdae are just there for a flashback, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:04:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9625322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almsivi/pseuds/almsivi
Summary: "After closing my eyes, all I have to do is find you among all the noise in the world". Lu Han reminisces about Minseok.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this my first ever attempt at writing a xiuhan fic. i hope it was successful, haha. i got too many "xiuhan feels" after listening to white noise and reading the lyrics (have you guys read them?? they scream xiuhan jfc). anyway, this non-sense came out of this. sorry if it doesn't make sense at times, it's unbetaed. you can also find this fic over at my lj acc: @skullnoise

_Lonely nights…_

The sweet melody of “White Noise” by EXO envelopes him, but more than the sounds it is the lyrics which trap him in. Lu Han sighs, melancholy setting in as he starts thinking about that someone which makes his heart swell with warmth, that someone that he misses dearly.  
“Minseok”, he softly whispers into the night, hoping that his voice could be carried by the wind over to wherever Minseok is right now. Just as he says it, Minseok’s voice starts playing out of the speakers.

_시간이_ _갈수록_ _그리워_ _니_ _예쁜_ _음성도그_ _얕은_ _숨소리까지_ _Baby_  
_(I miss you as time goes by; your pretty voice, and even your shallow breath, baby)_

He wonders if that’s true for Minseok; if he misses Lu Han’s voice, early in the morning softly whispering a ‘good morning’, or late at night, breathing promises and ‘I love yous’ into his skin, while their bodies pressed together for pleasure. He wonders if he misses those times they used to snuggle together, arms and legs coming around each other, while they kissed softly on rainy afternoons; the soft caress of his breath against Minseok’s neck. He remembers Minseok telling him once how much he loved that feeling; how much he loved him.

_I hear you, I feel you_ _볼_ _수가_ _없어도_ _널_ _들을_ _수_ _있어_  
_(I hear you, I feel you; I can’t see you but I can hear you)_

It had been roughly two years since the last time they saw each other; it was a cloudy October morning, as if the weather knew exactly how he was feeling that day. He kissed Minseok goodbye under cover of the tainted windows of that car; breathed promises into his lips (“This is not goodbye, Minseok”), and whispered softly those meaningful three words into his hair as they hugged tightly, not wanting to let go.  
  
Minseok was crying that time; tears were falling silently out of his eyes, his voice drooping lower whenever he spoke to Lu Han about his fears: how did they know for sure that this was not goodbye, what if Lu Han found someone else, what if time kills what we have. Lu Han shushed him with soft kisses, making even more promises about the future.  
How sad he felt now; not fulfilling his promises and not being remotely close to doing so. Text messages and late-night calls were not the same as seeing him, holding him and taking him in.

_너를_ _찾아내면_ _돼이_ _세상_ _모든_ _소리_ _중에너를_ _찾아내면_ _돼_  
_(After closing my eyes, all I have to do is find you among all the noise in the world)_

Lu Han rolled over in his bed, his arm coming up to cover his eyes and trying to keep his tears at bay. He missed Minseok, so much to the point where it made him ache with longing. He wanted to hold him close, kiss him, whisper sweet words into his ear and just be with him. The distance started feeling unbearable; like being trapped inside four walls with no way to get out. He bit his hand, sobs wracking his entire body and tears coming out nonstop.

_Somebody loves you_ _부디_ _이건_ _알아_ _줘_ _Yeah_ _잡을_ _수가_ _없어도잠시_ _Just hold on tight_  
_(Somebody loves you, please know this, yeah; even though I can’t hold on, for a moment, just hold on tight)._

He thought back of that time when they were invited over to a nice and small get-together on a friend’s cottage, with just his bandmates and some close friends being present at that time. While everyone was gathered inside to watch Jongdae and Baekhyun trying to balance some cups on their noses, Minseok and him managed to sneak away to the little patio outside the structure. There was a big tree with a tire-swing, that Minseok pointed out excitedly, mentioning how much he had always to try one of those.  
  
And he did. Lu Han pushed him gently on the swing, laughing along with Minseok, enjoying their time together. He recalled Minseok telling him how happy he was, the happiest he had ever been. At that, Lu Han couldn’t resist and pulled up Minseok to him, enveloping him with his arms, burying his face in his neck. He remembers telling Minseok how much he loved him, how much he cherished every moment they spent together.  
  
He remembers Minseok pulling back, holding his face in his hands, telling him that he hoped that they could spend so many more moments together, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Lu Han by his side. Lu Han responded with a kiss, trying to convey with his actions how elated he felt with that sentence; the moment filled him with so much joy that he couldn’t help but smile into their kiss, with Minseok chuckling and complaining that it was difficult to kiss if he kept smiling like that. _You look ugly when you smile like that anyway,_ he recalls Minseok saying, teasing him and just having fun with him.  
  
A while later, Chanyeol approached him and told him that he had managed to snap a picture of the moment he had with Minseok on the patio. _You guys looked so disgustingly cute together, I had to capture that moment,_ Chanyeol had said, laughing while he handed Lu Han a physical copy of the picture he took. In it, he saw Minseok and him, arms wrapped around each other, foreheads touching and smiles on their faces; they looked completely lost in their own, perfect little world.  
  
He still had that picture around. He kept it on a frame near his bed, and he would look at it every day, to remind himself of what matters to him the most and to give himself hope for a brighter future. He reached out for the picture on his bedside, stroking the surface gently while a huge sense of longing filled him. How much he wished he could go back in time to relive that one moment.  
  
He was so lost in his memories that he didn’t notice that the song he had been listening to was repeating, and he started paying attention just when Minseok and Kyungsoo sang together a part that hit him hard.

_행복하길 바라고 있어어디에 있든지  
(I hope that you are happy, wherever you are)_

No matter how much it hurt him to be away from Minseok, how much it made him ache with longing, he hoped that Minseok wasn’t feeling miserable like this. He hoped Minseok was happy, he hoped Minseok could smile at the memories and he hoped Minseok could look forward to a future together where they were happy. He just wanted to see him smile that beautiful, gummy smile of his that showed up whenever he was feeling extremely joyous.

_너의 작은 웃음소리로난 니가 잘 지낸다는 그것만확인하면 돼  
(Your small laughter; that’s all I need to know, that you are doing well)_

Just as the song finished, Lu Han picked up his phone and called Minseok, with all his feelings fresh and very much alive inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to hear the other’s voice. After a few rings, someone picked up on the other end.  
  
“Hello, Lu Han”, Minseok’s voice replied through the speaker, softly regarding him. Lu Han closed his eyes and smiled.  
“Hey, Minseok”, he softly whispered back.  
  
He felt, finally, at home.


End file.
